Saturday, October 31, 2009

The Forsaken - Part 8

Part 1 * Part 2 * Part 3 * Part 4 * Part 5 * Part 6 * Part 7

She was looking at the door every five minutes from the kitchen. She had already placed the diary in it's usual place, on Nikhil's bed. Hours had passed, but there was no sound from behind the doors.

Did he get the diary ? Is he sleeping ? She thought as she glanced the glass of water on the kitchen platform. The pill was lying down half dissolved.  Her heart was beating faster, with increasing restlessness, she was just moving clumsily, passing Nikhil's room many times.  She had done one more important thing, to break the Nikhil's room latch from inside.

Then as she was passing by by his room yet again, she heard him and rushed inside. The room was dark. He was wet with perspiration. He was quivering. Pulling his legs towards himself, he was crying like a child.


It was cold. He entered the gate. He didn't wanted to, but still he entered. The compound speeded the memories back.

The small kid walking in the compound towards the school. He had lost his parents, all what he wanted was a caring hand that he can hold in this huge huge unknown world.

The cruel sight of the accident flashed before his eyes. Why did they left me ? Why did god take them away ?. The sight of the blood covered faces, clothes torn, the blood flowing incessantly from the wounds. Frightened by the sight, the kid was screaming with all his might, shaking them, perhaps they'll open their eyes. Hours had passed, there was no one around, he was sitting in the corner seat, tears flowing, choked by the loss. He couldn't recollect when they took him out of the car.

He stopped as the memories tried to rekindle. Here he was, in hostel, abandoned, unwanted. Even his grandmother doesn't want him. No one loved him other than parents and now they were gone. The same creepy feelings were crawling on his mind. The more he tried to shove it away, the more the place nudge them back to him.

With every step, the loathly memories were clawing in.

Being vacation time, the compound was dark, deserted. He had always prefered to be alone. He loathed the other happy kids. He was walking on the empty portico. Somebody called his name. It came from a distant classroom. He entered inside. It was partly lit, somewhat dark. In the corner was someone standing. He knew the face but today it was a different visage. He felt uncomfortable.

'Sir ?'  said the child as he went near him. Then the door was shut. He turned to see another teacher. They were moving towards him....

He could see a face in the window. But he was gagged, his tears screamed for help but only in vain. Abused and anguished, he was shrieking. 'Dare you tell anyone. You will be thrown out of this place. And then where will you go ? Up in the sky to your  parents ?'  they barked with a cruel laugh. Their eyes expelled fire. He was thrown at the corner. Trembling he sat there. In late evening, he had himself walked to his hostel bed, frightened of even human now. Every one was bad. Cruel. The whole world.  It didn't happen just once. The boy was torn, anguished, wanted revenge from the whole world..Everyone was bad.


The grandmother was also crying to see the sight. Nikhil was badly hurt, he needed her. But how aweful it was that she cannot help him. She ran out of the room and bought the water and tried to give him. But he was pusing with all his might as if some he was been confronted with some enemy. She was hurt. He yelled to keep distance, to go away. She kept the glass at the table and ran out crying.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Forsaken - Part 7

'Nikhil can be treated with medication. His hyperactive mind can be calmed by medicines. But I think the diary is not an account of just his imagination. There is more to it. So I have decided to take a chance before starting the course. We'll help Nikhil to take a step further'

She kept looking at him, he indentified the puzzled look at her face.

He opened the diary to the last page. 'If Nikhil reads the diary, then he would take a step in' He paused waiting for question, but she was silent, somewhat frightened.

'He will enter the compound. And maybe then we'll know what is the building about...' Though I think I have a clue, he said in mind.

As he said, he scribbled in the diary, 'I ENTER THE GATE', he knew he was taking a risk on Nikhil's part.

He handed the book to the old woman, and a packet that he had packed beforehand. 'These are medicines. In case Nikhil reacts, you give him one tablet. It will calm him down', she took it. He saw her hands trembling. He assured her, Nikhil would be fine.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Forsaken - Part 6

Part 1 * Part 2 * Part 3 * Part 4 * Part 5

He knocked on the door. The door opened immediately, as if she was right at the door waiting for him. He greeted her with a warm Namaste. His arrival was itself a big support for her. He sat at the wooden chair near the window. The window opened into the plush green fields and the cold mountains added the chill. The house was years old, probably passed over generations. The sparse wooden furniture gave it a cosy, inviting feeling. She signalled him to a door at a corner. He nodded. 'I'll get you a tea', she said as she disappeared from hall, but peeking from the corner of the kitchen door.

A knock. No response. Another knock. The door opened. At the door was a handsome guy standing with attentive brown eyes peering him. He didn't look more than nineteen. He looked uncomfortable in front of the new person and his expressive face revealed this to the psychiatrist.

'Hi Nikhil. I am Vikram. You can call me vicky. How are you doing ?', he said with jolly trying to lighten the somber air. But there was no response. He doubted if his first impression was not good on Nikhil. Realizing there would be no answer from the boy, he continued, 'Next to the school, I have my...', and the door shut on his face. He stood there gawking at it. But before the bang he saw something....

The old woman hurried out of the kitchen. She had the apologetic look. 'Please don't mind' she kept saying.

'This is not new to me. It happens to psychiatrist many times. I understand', he said with a smile.

'So what have you decided to do next ? Everything failed till now, the diary, the meeting...' her voice sounding depressed as it cracked.

'I won't call it failure. Both the things gave me some important aspects that will definitely help us. But I admit that it was also not what we thought. Anyway, we have to think of our next option. Do you know by any chance that Nikhil reads the diary ?', he asked even though he knew the answer.

She nodded embarrassingly.

'Fine. We have to try our next option. Please bring Nikhil's diary tomorrow when you visit the clinic.' She nodded as she tried to interpret the doctor's words. Her hopes were reviving.

Monday, October 26, 2009

The Forsaken - Part 5

Part 1 * Part 2 * Part 3 * Part 4

The fall seemed eternal. As he stood up, he gawked at the stairs.

Is this real or is this a nightmare that always pulls him into the darkness.  These doubts once used to call into question his mind, but no more they summon. The people, the place, the air seemed so real that it was incomprehensible that all this could be an illusion. He was not just seeing it happen, but living it. They talk, listen, live with him. Why people say that his mind is playing with him ? He never had answers, nor do he have any now.

The same abandoned path..the same stairs...the same Woman in Red....The woman'd been taking him to the same desolate building in the cold night. But he just been keeping the distance from it. The place was what he was running away from. He hated to be in the vicinity. He'd been loosing peace he'd managed after such a long time. The place was making him crazy.


She had the diary in her hand. The old woman looked with hope as she handed it to the doctor. It was a shabby dairy, perhaps picked up from some dusty untouched rack. He walked towards the window,  opened the diary. Very few pages were filled.

'deserted road'

'my house'  'woman in red'

'eyes'  'help'

'same building'  'deserted'

'can't take it again'

The doctor flipped few pages. The diary was just some scribbling, spoke nothing concrete. Few of the first pages were about some house, a beach side house, then some lady, Nikhil had put enough words to described her, but last few pages were repetition of the lady and the building.

He closed the book and looked outside the window. It was cold day. Only the cattle were seen grazing outside.

After a long time he was holding a case, a life, an onus. He turned to the old woman. Her eyes following his every move, eager to listen what he would say. What it might be ? Can we do something ? She leaned forward as he was about to say something.

'This diary doesn't say much, it looks like just words without any context. Probably Nikhil doesn't like to write. A few questions,  Does Nikhil own any beachside house ?'

'A beach side house ? I don't think so. He's just a student. If he has bought any', a pause. 'But the chances are really less'

Hallucinations, another symptom, Schizophrenia ?

'There have been repetitions in his writing. There's a phrase Can't take it again What do you think could hurt Nikhil that he fear to face again ?'

'I don't think it could be anything other than  the accident, the loss of his parents'

'Where'd it happen ? Was there any building nearby ?'

'Building. No. It happened on the highway'. The woman might even not know about the lady, he evaluated.

He was at the window, pondering over the unanswered questions that the diary added.

So all that he wrote is just his imagination ?

'Somehow I feel that they are related to some events in his life' He said to the old lady. Poor kid. He felt sorry for the kid. He wanted to help him. But somehow things were not adding up.

He closed the diary and handed it to the old woman. She took it with a puzzled look. She had expected more.

'We have two option now. First, Its time to meet Nikhil. I'll visit your home in the evening. Do not tell him anything about me or my visit'

Coming up

Last few days I was traveling, the reason why I couldn't post on the blog.

I was yearning for a break, and the holiday was heaven-like. Far from the daily hassle, I was enjoying in a beautiful Konkan village.

Coming up on the blog would be the next part of Forsaken  & a post on my trip to a wonderful village called Harnay in Konkan reagion of Maharashtra.

Keep watching this space :)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Forsaken - Part 4

Part 1 * Part 2 * Part 3

The old lady looked  tired and frail.

She began, My daughter and son-in-law were happily married. When they gave me the news of Nikhil's birth, I was on seventh heaven. I was with them for quiet sometime. But later I returned to village. I was happy to see the perfect family, grateful to God. I had everything that one wishes. But one day the ugly news shuddered me, the news of accident. I immediately reached my daughter's place. I felt terrible. Only Nikhil survived the accident. Since that day Nikhil is everything for me.The old woman was weeping as she shared the deepest pain that she'd be trying to forget all this years.

Sobbing, she continued, I brought him to village, thinking that time will heal the wounds. But he was just 10. I tried to divert his attention away from the loss but he was too shocked to overcome the situation.  He stayed aloof and lost. The accident took a heavy toll on my health too. My health was degrading, sometimes bedridden. I was not able to look after Nikhil properly. I was worried about him, and then I took a decision, of sending him to a nearby city's hostel. A complete wrong decision, a disaster that might be one of the reason what my  Nikhil is going through now. The old lady burst into tears, probably holding herself responsible for everything.

She continued with voice choked, she had to pour out the thoughts, to share the guilt, to throw out the indelible feelings that she'd been trying to conceal down in the corner of her heart, she wanted to talk. She continued, He went, but refused to return back my calls or visit me during vacation. I visited him during the vacation but our meetings passed with exchange of few words. I tried to make him talk, but only couldn't. Then he finished his school, I  asked him to return but he said he'll work and continue his studies. I got very few calls from him. And then one day, I got another call that shattered me once again. The lady on the phone told me that Nikhil was her paying guest, that he is behaving incoherently and I should take him away. I was furious, I gave the lady piece of my mind and brought Nikhil back.

Doctor interrupted, But why do you thin the boy needs critical medical attention ? With all the troubled circumstances he had been into, we cannot expect the poor child yo be happy go lucky, he might be an introvert who just likes to be with himself. Perhaps he just needs one or two therapeutic sessions.

Even I thought that initial but he had been behaving weirdly, she continued. He talks to himself, as if conversing with someone around, his days are nights and nights are days. The woman's eyes widened with fear, she continued after a long pause, That night when I passed his room, he had all the lights off, i thought he might be asleep, but before I could leave I heard a cry. I rushed and switched on the lights. It was Nikhil. Full of sweat, eyes red, he had curled himself up and was crying like a kid, burbling something. It was terrible. And then, I called you up.

The doctor took his time, thinking, then he said, Lets not jump to conclusion. First I need to meet Nikhil. But before meeting him, is there anyway we could know his side of story, do you know any of his friends ? The old woman nodded helplessly, but suddenly her eyes lightened, he keeps scribbling in one diary, I never dared to read it. I will bring it if you think it will help.

Yes, Please do that, I think that is a better way to understand whats on his mind.

I'll do the first thing tomorrow morning, she said.

The lady left, he lost the count of number of times she thanked him. He assured her that he would do his best to bring Nikhil back to the real world.

To be continued...

Sunday, October 18, 2009

The Forsaken - Part 3

Her almost white face brought a chill down his throat. Her very existence seemed so superficial. But somehow he didn't panic with her appearance. They were silent, looking into each other's eyes. His heart that was beating fast few moments earlier had calm down. Her rheumy eyes were capturing and he followed them as she walked away from him, probable leading him to the mystery he was trying to decode earlier. He followed her. The thought of running away never came in his mind back. He was inadvertently lost to her spell.
She walked few feet ahead of him, having a sly luring glances to him in between. She stopped. He stopped behind her, at a distance. Straight ahead was a large building. He was jolted with the sight. His face turned red. The woman brought him to his Rubicon, the one that had jolted him for years, never wanted to return there. He was restless and now crying. He will not be able to stand it again.
The solitary phone in the solitary clinic rang, perhaps in weeks. Must be some patient, thought the doctor, smiling at the very thought. Its been months he was in the village, and with hardly any patient visiting the clinic, he was now thinking of moving to nearby city.
It was an old woman on the other side. She said she needs his help, for her grand child. She felt the child needs medical help, that after lot of pondering, she had attempted to call the psychiatrist. He advised her to come to his clinic as he would need to learn much about teenager. She said she would visit him at 5.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Happy Diwali

The sweets are prepared, the crackers are lighted, the diyas are burning, the Rangolis is beautifying the door, wishes are exchanged, smiles and smiles are spread all around, coz It's DIWALI

The festival has its uniqueness, of celebration and joy, of spending and eating, of lights and sound.

Happy Diwali to all my blogger friends ! May all your wishes come true this Diwali :)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Forsaken - Part 2

But his affinity towards demonic fantasy from childhood and his stubborn nature was telling him, what he wanted. He took the first step, up the stairs...Read the First part here

The wild apprehension was making him sweat profusely. His eyes narrow, throat dry desperately seeking for water, mind trying to be attentive every second, in anticipation of something evil to happen any second. He kept his pace slow, rhythmic, with every step watching up and down, gulping the snot down. He was now much high that he couldn't see the bottom of the stairs, just hazy sinisterly fog that added to his vulnerability. He knew he was in danger.

A slight sound. He tried to understand what could it be. Before he could decrypt, it happened just again, as if somebody was approaching down. His eyes were wide open as if not wanting to even a blink, tears rolled down, of fear, of a feeling the end.  It would be too late to try running down. His body was frozen, mind trying hard to find a solution. He knew he had no time. Do something he kept repeating to his mind. He was quivering on the narrow step. Another sound and in impulse he jumped down.

Perplexed, he was shouting with all his might. For a moment he felt he'd lost his voice that he no longer be able to speak. He kept shouting, he was falling and falling, the fast fall kept him from deciphering the dark secret hole, endless, heading nowhere. He was just yelling in reflex, else his brain was out of work. 

Finally a clash. He was dumped down on something. He opened his eyes, red with fear, with face still covered with his hands. Whatever it is, I am going to run away. He had made his mind, realizing, that his mind was back to work and after the initial baneful decision, this time it was working right.

Uncovering his face, he reached his body. Finding himself in one piece, he heaved a deep sigh. He stood up on his shaky legs. With anticipation he looked ahead without looking straight, he was too scared with what had happened with him just now, frustrated, he didn't wanted anything more, he just wanted to escape, just run away.

With what he saw, with quivered face, he was almost going to cry. He was standing just before the stairs. It's back. What to do. He stood there quivering. Collecting all his little courage that was left he looked straight. There was someone standing on the fifth stairs, perhaps waiting for him, perhaps the one approaching down had now reached him. He took a look. The person was looking straight at him. It was a beautiful Lady in red...

Continued here

Sunday, October 11, 2009


A guy hitchhikes to Alaska in his search of his "Alaskan Odyssey", a dream to stay off-civilization all on his own, stays there for long and when decides to get back to civilization, to share experience, the happiness with others, gets trapped in the wild and dies of starvation.

Just finished reading Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer. And witnessed what it means to abandon everything to live a new life, life to identify oneself, test one's caliber, a guy Christopher McCandless does it all but couldn't make it back. As he went after dream, under hubris, he made some mistakes that consequenced in his death. We may have plans but Nature has it's own. What we think may be overturned by nature, we have to follow it's course, understand its starkness, understand the survival. But what is commendable about this guy is he took the decision, and lived the decision. Tough he made mistakes, his naivete, unluck, cost his life.

I finished reading the book at 2 a.m. While everyone was asleep, I was on the last pages, reading the death of McCandless, how he got short of food, ate left over seeds, got poisoned, realized his death so close, wrote a note and passed out, never to return. Before sleeping I made a mistake of having a look at the famished photograph that he took with his camera. I couldn't sleep for another hour.

This book is really good, but the philosophies & McCandless way of living life and decisions may not go well with many. I would say why do we judge any person, just try to understand him, there may be a reason...

Saturday, October 10, 2009

The Forsaken - Part 1

The night walk had turned out to be interesting. He was new to the place and wanted to familiarize with the surroundings, but the alienated but fallow surroundings were serene yet haunting. With the hectic office schedule, he had not yet made any new friends. So he continued to walk alone in nights, taking in the cool breeze that also brought the saline essence from the sea. After moving from the old jostling area, the new calm and silent roads by the sea, interrupted just by the waves was like a paradise for him. After all he had worked day and night to buy a dream beach side house, tough secluded, it meant a lot to him.

From few days he was feeling clam and good. There was no pressure. But there was some strange thing about this place. Whenever he passed by, just next to that unoccupied bungalow, he hallucinated dark stairs that went up the sky. Limitless, they disappeared in the dark clouds above it. The stairs had a mystic look. No railings but just plain eroded blocks like an archaic stairs that may open a secret door.

He never feared ghost or supernatural powers. And noway he was going to be threatened with this mystery. Am I sick ? Do I need to see a doctor ? He asked himself the question, the question he'd been asking for some days now but feared to know the answer. He even feared to tell anyone, what they may think of him.

Why not have a closer look before confiding in anyone ? He made up his mind, today he would reveal the mystery or whatever it is.

He walked to towards the stairs, slowly, trying to decode the secret in mind, but every glance just annulled the possibility. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he took a reluctant look at the end up, but it seemed limitless. He now had a choice, to buck up and march ahead into this new world, or just turn away and never turn up this path. But his affinity towards demonic fantasy from childhood and his stubborn nature was telling him, what he wanted. He took the first step, up the stairs...

Continued here

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Flight to the moon & back

We have plans. Plans for achieving success what we ambition for. But apart from all these ambitions and a long haul to achieve them, do we have a secret getaway dream ?

A beautiful home at the foot of the alps, perhaps the Himalayas. A porch swing, sitting on, you watch the clouds covering the tip of the alps, the sudden rains and the misty climate that it renders into. Or traveling & spending time in all the beautiful places in the world, assimilating the beauty of nature and culture.

Rohan once commented I am still in the mountains, that was sometime after I returned from the Himalayan trek. Actually even now I am still in the mountains. I look forward to visiting it again. For me Nature is my Haven. For somebody else, like a techie, a replenishing dream could be building a robot. Dreams are different per personality.

Dreaming other-worldly doesn't mean drifting from reality. After all, reaching those dreams needs money. We have to earn that dreams-come-true life.

It all depends, whether we want to dream wild or not. Who knows what's on our plate of life. We yearn for success, do all what we can to achieve them, but on the final day, we want to settle, finalize our life with accomplishment and satisfaction. Maybe that's when we would think of what is close to our heart and how close we have reached to our Haven.

So what's your getaway dream ?

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Thoda emotions Thoda filmy

I am not that filmy. But one thing for sure, if I start with one, I can never leave it in middle. In fact there isn't even one film that is half-watched. Wait a minute there is one, Krishh (I guess you know the reason). Even though our Bollywood films have been the sames love triangle stories, there are many flicks that are worth watching more then once.

Here are few scenes that left back an impression. I am categorizing them by emotions.

I am not scenic but don't know why but one scene that really touched me was the climax of 'Tere naam' when Radhe (Salmaan Khan) returns to the asylum after finding the death of Nirjara (Bhumika Chavla). I couldn't recollect any love/romantic scene good enough to refer here.

Craziness to win love
One shot that I brings smile to my face is the scene in Deewana Mastaana when Juhi is playing tennis and both Anil Kapoor and Govinda arrive in court to cheer her, and that's when they confront each other. And then comes the burst of dialogues.

If I could change one ending, then it would be of Mukaddar ka sikandar. I am not a die hard fan of Amitabh Bacchan who couldn't see him cry but I definitely feel bad the way he is dejected by Rakhi. Somehow I couldn't take it. Bechara.

Remember Tanhayee song from Dil chahta hai ? The picturization and The Perfectionist Amir's acting makes you stand there in Akash's shoes weeping over Shalini's loss. Kudos to Sonu Nigam for another perfect aspect of Dil chahta hai, Tanhayee.

Don't know how many have seen Arth, but the scene when Shabana Azmi meets depressed Smita Patil is what is called the excellence.

Only only one scene that pops in my mind with the word fear is the Spider walk from film The Exorcist. While I was in Holland, one of my colleagues mentioned it to me and the same night, I thought of watching it. That scene of few seconds sank fear down my body. I can't express how terrified I was that night alone in an empty house in alien country.

So these were few scenes from my very limited collection. I couldn't recollect any scene for Hatred & Revenge.

What about you ? Are you a movie buff ? Any scenes that you could relate here ?

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Deadly shayari

I have been watching the season 2 of "Entertainment ke liye (Aur) bhi kuch karega". Those who watch the show might know that after every performance, the judges Anu Malik & Farah Khan give their priceless comments. Anu Malik's comments are always his so-called shayaris (Thank God he doesn't sing on the show).

I have never heard a sensible one from him, but one yesterday he broke all records, and afflicted with most drastic shayari of his lot. It was a performance of twin brothers (two) who did their zatka matkas from Judwaa film. And now hold your breath, it's time for Anu Malik's shayari. Here it is -

Cake se bana anda
Anda se bana Cake
Tum dono ho asli
Koi nahi hai fake

Now tell me, isn't this deadliest ? Do you have one that can break this ?