Friday, January 30, 2009

Regret for Life

Patting dry sweat on the forehead, slowly I sat down. It took longer to reach today. I looked around. But I couldn’t see anyone from our elderly group. Unusual. I was panting hard. I was getting too wearied for my age, I realized.

Far away, I could see our group members heading towards me. They were moving slowly, obvious for their age. They were wearing new clothes and mirthfully discussing something. I could see some new faces.

As they reached, all of them started looking frantically for places to seat, they were too panting but then they were much older than me. Their talks didn’t stop. They were returning from some wedding function and very happy, discussing sons and daughters and their settled life.

The topic had started making me uneasy. I always tried to evade the subject.

Somebody introduced me to the new members. I smiled reluctantly, I feared the questions that followed. “How about your family?”, question dropped from somewhere. I stayed mum. A lump started forming under my throat. My heart got heavier. The guilt was coming back.

The painful memories rushed in. The death of my beloved daughter had left me in anguish. I was the reason, reason of her death.

There was never a reason for me to reject her love and marry her to a person I didn’t care to know or investigate about. My ego was hurt. I wanted a rich son-in-law. I pressurized and she married him. She always was a good daughter. She should have told me about his torture, his beatings and mental torture. She should have told me. May be I could have done something to stop, stop her killing herself. Her dead body with mouth frothed flashed before eyes.
I got up and started walking. The world seemed to be still. With eyes moist, everything seemed to be blurred as I walked. The pain was getting heavier every moment. I knew I couldn’t forgive myself. I knew I couldn’t handle any more.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

A sore memory

She looked at her watch. It was already 6.00 pm. They had decided to meet at 5.00 pm. She had been waiting for almost an hour. He has never been so late. She was fuming with anger. Even if he is stuck in some problem cant he call and tell her that he would be late. Why to keep the cell phone switched off. At least the other person can call if he can’t. She kept cursing him. She was almost talking to herself, and when two three couples passed looking at her, she realized and tried to calm herself. For a moment she also admired Rohit for never been wild when she was late, she always had been.

I would wait for only fifteen minutes more. She told herself.
She realized how impatient she is. She looked at her watch and fifteen minutes had already passed. She decided to wait for another ten minutes. But then decided to leave and swore to pay no heed to any of his excuses he comes up with. He will have to pay for this.

As she got up, her cell phone rang. It was Rohit’s number flashing. So this guy has found time to call. She pushed button and was about to start firing.

Hello”, a voice said from the other end. The voice was not of Rohit. She tried to cool off.
Yes”, she said.
The person continued, “We got Rohit’s driving license and his cell phone from his pocket. Rohit has met and accident. A truck has hit his motorcycle. He is in hospital. Please do not panic”. She stood still, her eyes wide open and tears rolling down her cheeks. She closed her eyes.

She opened eyes. She heart was pounding. She could almost hear her heartbeats. It was dark around. She was wet with sweat. She looked around. She was in her room. It was a dream, an old memory. She switched on the lamp. Rohit was next to her, sleeping like a baby. She took a deep breath. She was waiting for him to return from office. He was very late. After waiting for long, she had gone to sleep. He must have returned when she was sleeping, dreaming.

The accident was a bad memory and they had come a long way. But after so many years the memory was back. But she was not worried. The dream had brought her closer to him. She kept looking at him, smiling, thanking God, asking long life for him.

Monday, January 19, 2009

In Search of Love

It was her birthday. They finished the desert. He’d love it. “Anything special today?” he asked. She didn’t reply. “Lets go for a walk”, she whispered enough for him to hear. She knew the answer. She had asked this question many times before just to hear No. He always had enough work. But to her surprise, he didn’t refuse. She couldn’t believe her ears. She quickly wore her sandals and was ready with the key. She wanted to hurry before he changed his plans. They locked the door and got into their BMW.

Gauri and Shreyas had married four months ago. Apart from the first month of marriage, she could hardly recollect when they have spent time together. He was always busy with work and she was left to do the shopping and parties, which was never important to her.

She had no idea where they were heading. But she didn’t care. She always wanted to be with him. And there they were together. Nothing was more important. He was talking and she kept looking at him, still couldn’t believe. The car stopped. He hurried to open her door. They were near a beach and she could hear soft sounds of the waves. They kept walking towards the shore. There was no one around. It was almost 11.00 pm.

He kept talking. She had not uttered a word. “Will you have an ice-cream?” he asked. She didn’t answer. She was looking in the darkness, thinking about something. He snapped his fingers. She smiled. Nodding, she pointed towards the waters. It was pitch dark at the horizon. The streetlights were dim enough to see only two to three rows of waves hitting the shore. She looked around. The beach was deserted. Nobody around. In far end, she could see a shop, which looked more like a hut, with the lights on. Should be the ice-cream shop. The people were hurrying to close down. Then, It would be just him and her. She took a deep breath.
They had reached the waters. She could feel the cold water. The sand was very soft and her foot almost sinking in. He took her hand. They kept walking without a word. He bent down to her ears, and whispered “Happy Birthday”. She looked at him. She was smiling. He could see the happiness on her face. Her eyes were twinkling. He knew it was a perfect gift for her.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Advertisements that rock !

I was having dinner, like always with family, enjoying the tasty food that mommy had prepared.
She was always the best and nobody can match her in kitchen. Yes, I can bet on her.

The TV was on and some daily soap was on air. These serials were always more of fun and victim of our criticism. I and my sisters always have a good laugh at them.
It's said that if you take off your anger on something, you feel relieved and light.
But we never ever watched K series even for fun or criticism. They always arouse anger.

We were chatting when some ad went on. "Instead of wasting on ad, why don't these companies reduce the price ?", my mother questioned.
Being the so called Home Minister, she was worried about the inflation. We are quite well financially. But like every other Indian house-wife, it was her right and privilege to complain about the prices of groceries and household things going up. It is always a topic of discussion for mom and dad, while we just turn deaf ear to them. Maybe we would be in their shoes in future whining with same reasons.

I went for her question. "Its their food !! For survival, they need to advertise. Otherwise, how will you come to know about them ?". She tried to think something but didn't find an answer. And went for the next bite.

Relishing the food, we discussed the best ads we had seen.

We awarded the Most funny and striking ad to the Orbit chewing gum, the protagonist Mr Bhatavdekar is too funny to forget.
Other Orbit ads are also equally good.

Then Cadbury Dairy milk's ad series also have been very good and always have been perfect in hitting the cord.
Not to forget the Fevicol ads. Too good.

Nokia and Airtel also tried to connect to people with the music, quite successfull in their attempt.

I came accross this ad accidently. Just touched me. They have tried successfully to epitomize the emotions.
Cheers beer ad. Have a look.

Hope we keep seeing intelligent ads in future !!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Scary Nights

I was having my evening tea. As usual the paper is spreaded out, my eyes running down without actual reading. This article caught my attention. It sounded stupid. But when its related to ghost, there's no way i am leaving it without reading.

Here's the article -
Mreenal Deshraj had an eerie experience in a palace in Kolhapur.
Recently Mreenal Deshraj had a spine-chilling experience in a palace in Kolhapur where she was staying during the shoot of Shhh…Phir Koi Hai. Since the show had an eerie theme, the place seemed ideal. Says Mreenal, “I don’t believe in ghosts. I’ve stayed alone in Mumbai for a very long time now. And incidentally I was playing a ghost in the show as well,” she tells us. It was a 20-day shoot at the place. For 19 days she stayed in one room of the palace hotel with no problems whatsoever.
But on the last day Mreenal shifted to another room. “At around 4.30 in the morning, I was trying to sleep when I heard some heavy breathing. First, I thought I was just imagining it. But I kept hearing the sound as though someone was sleeping right next to me,” she relates, adding, “At that time there was only one more member from the crew who was put up in the hotel, but his room was far away. The rest of the unit members were shooting at a location far away from the hotel.”
After some time the breathing became louder scaring Mreenal even more! Mreenal ran out of her room. She approached the reception area and narrated the whole incident to them.
No one believed her story and thought that may be due to stress, she felt that way. When she told the entire story to the crew of the show they too laughed at her and made fun. “After another day’s shoot I came back to Mumbai. Though I’m a brave girl and have stayed alone all my life, this spooky incident will always remain in my mind,” she says. Guess Mreenal’s not gonna be staying alone in lonely hotel rooms for a long time!

As I read the story, fear ran down my body. At least Mreenal was brave enough to get up and run out of the room. I would not have dared to take the bed sheet off me. I don't know how many of you believe in supernatural powers.

My friends had once told me few experiences in Vashi (Mumbai) home where we used to stay in our pre-exams leave to study in group.

It was midnight, around 3:00 in night.. She and my other friend were in different rooms. After some time, just to take break, she went to the gallery.
And saw a woman in night gown walking down the street going, away from her building. She was surprised. She called the other friend.

Pointing to the woman, she said "Look at that woman, what the hell is she doing on the street at 3 in night ?" As, she said that the woman turned back and looked at them.

These two girls were almost stoned. With fear. Wasting no time, they ran out that room, closed the door, locked the door.
And chanting God's name, pulled the bed sheet over and tried desperately to sleep.

I don't know whether my friend made the story up. Or maybe the woman could hear them clearly in the midnight silence.

But I agree that the Vashi streets are really haunting with the dogs always barking, they grow worse in rainy season when there's no electricity and haunting sounds of rain and thunders and lightning.

We always try to teach our mind that nothing like ghosts, spirits exist. But just imagine, you are alone in a room. And in the middle of the night you hear somebody calling your name .... what will you do ?

Monday, January 12, 2009

The two foreigners..

It was 2:00, time for lunch. I took my meal from counter and found a seat in a corner. I could see the entire canteen from my table.
Like everyday, I started with salad. The canteen was fully occupied, which was usual for this time.
The sight was like just another canteen of an Indian IT company.People with lunch looking for somebody known to join. Some came in groups. Some settling for the first seat in view.People just kept talking and the canteen was filled with the discussions and chats that seemed endless.I started with my food.

The Tv was on.Satyam had made it to the headlines today again. New board members were appointed.Good.

My eyes went on two foreigners having food. Both were around 50. Actually you cannot guess the age of a white.They always look older to their age.Its the opposite in case of an Indian.They had few Indian members accompanying them.

Few questions crossed my mind. What might have he selected ? The food is spicy. Poor guys !!. Maybe they'll like it. Who knows.
While thinking this, I went back to the days when I was a foreigner in Dutch canteen. Maybe the dutch there had the same questions on their mind. I used to bring food I prepared. I am damn sure they might be thinking Whats that thing in her lunchbox. Never seen anything like that ! But sometimes I had to get the meal from canteen. It was really difficult for me to select since I had to search for non-vegetarian dishes among those prepared. Really a tough job.

Comparing the two canteen, maybe it was more difficult for the foreigner to settle in Indian canteen than me in dutch canteen.It was much spacious and less noisy compared to our Indian canteen. Another evidence of over-population.

Two other guys joined my table with lunchbox. Married guys usually get their lunch from home. I had finished my lunch. In fact, just dragged the food down my throat. Another thought, There was a time when I was yearned for this food, when in Holland. You always care for things when you don't get it.

The canteen was getting more crowded by every moment. I decided to leave. The two foreigners were still having food.Hope they did like the Indian food. I smiled to myself and left.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Happy Journey !!

When we think about Mumbai, the very first thing that flashes on mind is the Local Train.It's a fast life here. And believe me, many schedule their day plans depending on the train timings. Like I always catch 8.25 am train from my station. And while returning i try to get the 6.30 pm local.This has become a part of my daily life. I am lucky that i live in the city and not in the suburbs, which is opposite to the direction in which the crowd is travelling.This excuses me from the deadly crowded trains with people hanging out from the doors.Some by force and some by choice.
When I look these over-crammed trains with one or two hanging out (ladies too) while waiting for my train to arrive, i get jitters ..and pray at the same time for their safety..If i fear the most after ghost or spirits(Im damn sure there's nothing like that in the world, but who knows), its the crammed Mumbai trains.

But the trains are also a rich source for those who are keen observant. You come across all sorts of people, rich, poor, typical government servants, typical IT guys, Engineering students, kids, mothers, vendors etc etc. The list is endless. I travel in ladies compartment so my experiences are limited to these.
But I am damn sure that the most interesting incidents happens in a 2nd Class ladies compartment. And after certain time, you find most of the faces in your compartment familiar. Many of my friends have train friends. Isn't that interesting ?

The most funny incident that happened to me in the train is the fight between two ladies.All the seats were occupied but it was not crowded as such. One lady was sitting in the third seat. As you know, Indians always have a space for one extra.
This lady just got in at Sion station and sat in the forth seat.I heard some noise, and we all started looking in the direction from where it was coming just to see these two ladies quarreling with each other making hard efforts to raise voice over the other. Other ladies tried to calm them but with in vain.Suddenly the fourth seat lady started pulling the other ladies hair. Now this site was something we don't see everyday. Two women fighting like kids.The woman cried in pain. To save herself, she bit hard to the other woman's hand. And there it was started.
It grew worse, slapping biting. We were laughing like hell. Nobody dared to stop them. Later somehow they calmed down. Maybe got fatigued out. Some woman seprated them.
Oh! Those scenes still flash in my memory..I can never forget it.

Many funny and some interesting things keep happening in trains. Could be an entire new topic for blogging. I'll try to compile my train experiences some day.

Till then, travel safe ;)

Thursday, January 08, 2009

I am smiling

When we meet someone, we take a first look at the person, we make a perception.

He smiled and talked to me, he’s very friendly person. He just said hi, didn’t smiled , must be an arrogant person.

Then we talk to them, our perceptions change sometimes they get stronger.

This has happened to me a lot of times, but most of the time, a victim.

That day my neighbor came to me and asked if I know “Shriya Dhamnaskar”, my dad’s friends daughter. I recognized from the surname.

I said “yes, I do”. “Then why didn’t you smile when she smiled at you” she asked. “Off course I would, if I meet her”. “She saw you yesterday and smiled and was expecting a smile in return. But you just walked off. She told me today and thinks that you are too arrogant.” she added. I was shocked. “But I didn’t see her. Tell her this. I didn’t do it intentionally.” I replied and realized that the damage was done. But maybe she would understand.

This was not the last incident happened to me and I feel bad when I think how many people share the same opinion that I am arrogant.

The next incident alarmed me. I need to do something. I was going downstairs with my friend. My friend suddenly asked “Do you talk to him?”. I said “Who ?”

“Demetriks, he just passed us.” she said. “No, but why ?”. “Coz he just smiled at you. I looked at you and you didn’t.” she replied. “What ? He smiled ? But when I saw him he was looking somewhere else. So I just kept walking looking away !”. Not again, I said to myself. And trust me, that guy didn’t ever smiled at me after that. What the hell !! What’s wrong with me!! Or it’s just the wrong timing !! Or I have to look at this seriously !! I don’t know and I don’t understand what can be done for this! My mind was flooded with questions and embarrassment.

Later after few months, one day while having coffee with my friend, she told me that my first impression on her was not good. “You looked arrogant. But now after spending time with you, I don’t think that way. “ I felt better but couldn’t stop thinking why was the first feeling negative. I might not have interacted with all the people. Many might be still thinking the same. No, I don’t want it that way.

Most of the people are judgmental. And most often, people misunderstand reserved people are arrogant.

Everyone can’t be same. Some are open and expressive but some could be shy. Some could be reserved. But until you interact with them, how can one decide the actual inner soul behind the face.

This has always been a quest for me which I am still trying to solve. But I sometimes I laugh to myself when I hear these stories from my friends.

Maybe someone tell me. But now I swear, if I see a familiar face approaching, I keep looking until the person looks at me. And I don’t forget to smile, whether or not I get in return.

Like the advice from Krishna in Geeta, “कर्म करो, फल की आशा मत करो”

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

A new start !!

I have always wanted to have a Blog of my own… I have been reading other blogs but when it comes to writing down what’s on my mind I am dead blank. This is a fair chance I want to give myself. Let’s try it !! has been my slogan and driving force. So lets try this too..maybe the memories you write down now may bring a smile years after when you read them again.

There are lot of things that catches my interest… Art, Politics, Music, Movies, Books, Nature travel and Wildlife Documentaries but above all these I am more fascinated by Photography and People. The latter two can take me to a different world ..a world of perception, deep thoughts, questions, answers, imagination. So mostly I would be writing about photography and people and my experiences in this crazy world or the crazy me ;)

Thursday, January 01, 2009

About Me

I am an Software Engineer from Mumbai. Apart from coding which I do without choice, reading and writing are my favorite pass time activities, with choice, which gets all of my heart and mind when I am working on these.

I believe Life is an expression. We have to understand it and enjoy it. I am a good observer, which helps me in getting the facts around us, in the posts.
Although i write more of emotional stuff, Horrors and Thrillers are my favorite genres.

The idea of blogging had been wandering on my mind for a very long time. Then on a beautiful day, I finally put my foot down and decided to go ahead and just do it.
Surf around this blog and you will find many things of your taste.

I also hold a photo blog where I publish my experiments with my DSLR Camera. Check it out here - Let me Click!!.

Enjoy reading!!