The Fall

She gave way to the men as they moved the furniture out to the truck. They gave a look of disapproval as they passed her. She did not blame them for it. She looked at her husband. Hair disheveled, with stubble around his cheeks, he looked tired and frustrated. When their eyes met, she felt a shiver. There was fire burning in his eyes. He shrugged in helplessness. “Useless, these guys”, he muttered. She thought different but did not dare to voice her opinion. It would do nothing good to his already sullen mood, so she nodded with a slight smile. “Don't worry. This will be done soon. And…”, she tried to support but he had already stepped out of the house. She watched his back, taking in the stumbling walk, the shoulders drooped under the heavy burden of the lost battle. She saw a hint of fatigue in his every move and her heart went out to him.

When they were out, he asked the truck driver to follow their taxi. In taxi, she felt as if the harshness of silence would tear her off. She wanted him to talk to her. But when she sneaked a peek at him, she realized, be it success or fall, she had no place in his heart. For once, she wanted him to forget everything, even himself and be a husband. Would it be possible?

When she saw him come down heavily on the men as they moved their belongings to the new apartment, she knew the answer. He does not approve, does not accept, the fall, moving to a smaller place, nothing. She feared things would turn worse, this was just the beginning. Off late, he was losing temper easily over petty things but even so, he had never abused her. But..he also never held her, way she would love, with feelings. Maybe things wouldn’t change for her, maybe she just had to play the role of wife whenever he would need her, like until now. She sighed in grief.

She was thankful that the apartment was fully furnished. When the work was done and the men moved out, she made coffee and took it to their bedroom. He was standing at the window. “Coffee”, she said without going near to him fearing his rage. He turned to her, she noticed his red eyes. Her heart were beating faster and her pulsed increased. She placed the tray down on the bedside table with shivering hands.

“I lost everything”, he muttered. Though low, there was rage in his voice. He took few steps towards the her as she stumbled back. “No”, she muttered. “I lost everything”, he repeated as he collapsed at the foot of the bed. Surprised, she gulped few breaths and sat next to him. She would have consoled him, held him close, but she did not dare. Instead she sat next to him like a silent lifeless doll. She felt sorry, for him and for herself. She knew he would win everything back, but what she had lost was for ever. She had turned to a breathing rag doll. She could not hold herself any longer and tears started flowing out, she sobbed.

“Nitya”. She heard the voice, same yet different. She gasped as she looked up. He was looking at her, his face wet with tears. Her eyes were wide with anticipation. “I am sorry”, he said to her with trembling voice that dug like a dagger in her heart. 

“No, please don’t cry”, she said, “You have always been a winner. I am sure soon we will move in back to our home, bigger than before. I am sure...you”, she muttered between sobs and looked if he was still beside her. And there he was, looking at her intently. 

“You never cried before. You say I have not failed. Yet you cry…….I am sorry”, he said, his voice drenched in grief. 

“Please don’t say so”, she feared but took his hands in hers, “I have failed you. I am your wife, yet I could not console you, I could not bring you out of this grief, I have nothing to give you confidence, what good am I?”, she cried. She saw her words changing shape in his eyes, and realized she had surprised him.

“And how good am I?”, he asked. “Can you forgive me?”, he took her face in his hands, her eyes still looking down.

“Will you?” he asked. “Are you afraid to even look at me?”, he asked. Tears rolled down her cheeks but she couldn't look at him. Confused, she couldn't make of him. He needs me? Is that a new role I have to play? I always wanted him to be with me. What am I waiting for?

His voice was trembling, “What I have turned you into, I took the life away from a vibrant person like you. Monster, that’s what I am”.

“I never blamed you”, she managed to murmur unable to accept nor reject him.

“If that is so, please give me some time”, he replied. He needs time to make himself love me. Her face fell. “I will need time to make myself worthy of you”, he replied. Her surprised eyes met his.

“We can achieve our dreams together”, he said as they looked into each other’s eyes. “Yes”, accepting she said.

“Together”
“Together”. They vowed.

She smiled even as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. He smiled and pulled her close in his arms. She sighed feeling the warmth of the embrace she waited and heard the words of treasure for the first time, “I love you”.
 

Written for Prompt - 'Before or after the fall' by Wings Of Change.