Sunday, November 03, 2013

Light

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 43; the forty-third edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is "LIGHT"
Being in vacuum must be nothing less than what it’s here now. The emptiness. The darkness, blatant and still. Shocked, I brought my hand to my face but saw nothing. My heart sank in that miserable fear of going blind. If it was a joke it wasn't funny. 
Even though its wasn't wise to guess, my mind was pacing, making wild guesses. I could smell the stillness in air, nothing less than death. Something in me tells me I am alone but another part of me could feel presence of something, like in wait, of something or someone.
 
Tired of holding breath, I sigh. The air was damp and cold. The water precipitating on my face trickled down my neck. By now hostility had percolated into my blood and sweat and I was shivering, more from fear than cold. As I took a step forward my feet touched water. It sunk. In mud. Yes. it was mud. I could smell it, the earthly damp smell. I took few more steps I don't know why. Why was I here?

I couldn't see anything but I kind of visualised. A riverbed empty of water due to low tide leaving behind the swampy mud. The bony tree structures crowded along the bank. Some trees throwing its branches towards the river almost reaching its center. There could be a bird perched on it. An owl or vulture or maybe there was none. All this rolling in my head. I could have been on mars too.
 
All of this was extra ordinary. It was the absence of light and sound that terrified me. That's when I heard something. A movement. In the far, I saw a point of light, a tiny spectacle. For some reason I anticipated treat. It was approaching, faster, the sound growing, wilder, the source of light growing, faster, stronger. I turned and began to run, looking over shoulders, seeing it catch me up faster. And then tearing the silence, came a wild scream, more like growl. It filled the air and I felt sharp pain in my ears, as if I'd turned deaf. And then the light took over and blinded me. And I screamed till my lungs blew out. I woke up, screaming but without sound, choked up, gasping for air. 
 
I ran my hands over my face. I was drenched in sweat. I could see my hands and I could hear my husband breathing beside me. I hadn’t turned blind or deaf. I felt relieved that I hadn't woke him up. I tried to sleep but it was like an impossible task now. But something had changed in me.
 
As the moment passed, the feeling of fear was gone, replaced by something else. More of anxiety. More of wariness. It was the second time I had dreamt the dream. What was it about?
 
*
 
Next morning, the door bell rang. Through the peep hole I could see it was Riki, my best friend. I stood there grounded, unable to decide whether to open the door or not. She’d called me hundred times but I watched each of it turn to missed call. I can’t face her. With with tears in eyes I turned and ran to the bedroom. When I saw myself in the mirror, shame swept through me. This isn't me!
 
*
 
That night I saw the dream again. I was back in the swamp. But this time I was aware, as if I was there for a reason, to solve the quest. It was pitch dark as earlier and the air was cold. There was absolute silence. The only sound I could hear was my own heavy breathing. I tasted salt in my mouth. And realised I was crying. My heart was sinking as if somewhere deep down, the unconscious knew what all this was about.
 
I took few more steps, like the salty tears giving me some strength. And I looked around in search of the source of light. And then the sound alarmed me, again. Then there was movement. The light appearing. Growing. The object moving closer, making the sound. This time I recognised it. It was sound of an animal. It was of alligator. My heart picked speed. I turned against the sound and started running, the sticky mud holding me back, making me stumble. The sound and the light was fast and growing. And then I don’t know why but I stopped and turned, to face it. I hearing myself saying out loud, being brave or being stupid?
 
But there I was looking into the light through mace of my hands, too bright for me to see the animal. But I sensed it coming. And with the wild growl, I saw it. I saw it. Large. It's heavy long tail moving stealthily. And the light kind of magnified it. It was huge. It opened its mouth and flashed its large teeth. I screamed. But then it happened. The light projected in curve passing by the animal. And instead of the animal I saw him. My husband. Laughing like growling. With the eyes of alligator and long pointed teeth wanting to taste me. But. I smiled. Like finally it’s known, to me. This is it. All the time I knew but buried it down, not wanting to face the truth. Truth! I woke up.
 
He was snoring beside me. I rushed away from my husband and ran to the bathroom. I threw water over my face. The woman in the mirror was furious as if questioning me. Her left eye black with the violence. She was in pain. She had to bear it everyday and stay mum. But today, I say sorry to her, it had been difficult to take the decision. But now I am ready. I no longer feel shame but only anger swell in me. But I calm myself down. It’s time to begin again. There was only one person I would call. Riki. And like a good friend, she picks on the first ring. I sigh and the words fall out of my mouth, “Thank you”
 
P.S: To see an alligator in your dream symbolizes treachery, deceit, and hidden instincts. It may be a signal for you to take on a new perspective on a situation. To dream that you are running away from the alligator, indicates that you are unwilling to confront some painful and disturbing aspect of your unconscious. There is some potentially destructive emotion that you are refusing to acknowledge and
owning up to. [dream definition courtesy – dreammoods.com]
 
P.P.S: I know this post seems very out of place on Diwali. I tried to write something on the festival but I simply couldn’t. So I stuck with the story.
The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. Participation Count: 15

26 comments:

  1. Perhaps it takes time to see the light, for some reason or the other. Maybe it is a hope that all will be okay. Glad she had the courage to finally make that decision.

    A nice story, albeit a sad one. All the best :)

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    1. Yes, sometimes we refuse to acknowledge what's is in front of our eyes, because it is painful.

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  2. Dreams convey the things which our conscious doesn't allow to reveal itself.. Good composition :)

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    1. Yea, sometimes they have a hidden agenda...thanks for reading and commenting

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  3. Well-written. However, i failed to understand the climax. Was she relating her husband to be an alligator?

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    1. Yes Jini. She was running away from making decision about her violent married life. So her unconcious helped her in bringing the real repressed thoughts from the bottom of her mind.

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  4. Very nicely described as it's a movie running on tv. I liked your post.

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  5. Its a nice take on the theme. Its thrilling yet inspiring. One can always move from darkness towards light, all she needs is courage

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    1. Thanks Ash for reading and commenting.

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    1. Thanks Akila for reading and commenting.

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  7. the first step to stop violence is to accept that it is happening. and then comes the strength to stop it... nice narrative!

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    1. You are absolutely correct. Thanks Little princess for reading and commenting.

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  8. Different perspective. It is interesting compels you to think about the ways of dealing with fear.

    I would have assumed she would be fighting with the alligator to symbolize her internal battle "I am going to fight with you and I won't tolerate this nonsense". But it is true sometimes fear has a habit of sneaking in and paralyzing you.

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    1. No..I think you got a bit confused. She saw herself running away from the alligator and light, in dream. There is no control over dreams and they show you which you try to suppress. When she realises this, she turns around and face it. And sets herself free

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    2. And thanks for coming back....Good to see you after a long time :)

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  9. Why, no, I think it is apt for Diwali. What is Deepawali if not a symbol of virtue emerging victorious against all vices. Domestic violence is one such vice we all need to beat.

    Nice post! I was never into such dream interpretations, but the meanings, the allegory, they are really interesting, very interesting.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    1. Yea, actually a few days back I saw a dream in which my tongue got cut. There seemed to be no pain and I was almost fine. When I went through the dream glossary, I found that it means issues in expressing onself. The earlier day I had said something to my aunt and she took it some other way and I didnt even realise it. It was my sis who pointed out that why did you say that? And I was like, why? what?
      And it happens all the time to me :(

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  10. clever to relate dream with reality,very well written

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  11. You have been tagged and awarded. :)
    http://geetaavij.wordpress.com/2013/11/10/the-liebster-award/

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  12. That was quite creepy; the intro alone, scared the hell out of me. Like I was reading the plot of an upcoming novel, or something like that. And knowing that it was someone's dream, it got even creepier. I'm glad though that she finally faced whatever it was she had to face and get it done once and for all.
    Again, nice read.

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    1. Thanks for reading and appreciating.

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  13. Dreams represent a world of imagery in which our darkest fears, deepest secrets, and most passionate fantasies break out from the unconscious mind. All's well that ends well. Human psyche is strange...:) Enjoyed reading the well written story, Megha.

    You are a talented writer here with remarkable style of your own...My best wishes...keep dishing out such thrilling pieces....!! ATB for BAT.

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    1. thanks for such a wonderful words....they are food for my thoughts...thank you very much

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