Pause

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 39; the thirty-ninth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is "Break"

There I was, at the railway station. I had ran for about 5 minutes and I was panting like an old woman, a proof of negligence towards health. When I looked at the indicator I realised that the train was late. Hush, I almost said aloud. I had to reach early today (though I don't remember when was the last time I did not had to reach early).

The place was crowded and as a woman got up for the train downtown, I managed to sneak fast to fill up the vacancy. The fan above was whirling and as it swept gush of wind on to me, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude. Now that I had a seat, I began to worry about the train. Our project was near to go-live, the client was demanding one and we were all so short of time. The deliverables had to be reviewed and I had to squeeze time from my work to do those. All this was really taking toll on me. It was exhausting, physically and mentally. Work was on my mind day and night. It didn't leave me alone in my dreams too. It appeared like a snake, sneaking and hissing perennially reminding me of the pile of work unfinished. The thought itself was such a terror. I sighed. Why can't I just pause the whole worry thing for a minute. I needed a break.

I heard noises and realised that the crowd had grown and the whole platform was filled up to the edge. “What happened?”, I inquired to the woman on my left. “Uh?”, she said and I judged her to be kind of creature similar to me, all lost in thoughts of everything else but the present. I just smiled, how hopeless we were. God save both of us. “Some wire is broken at Kurla and so the trains are all held up. And to add to the problems, it’s taxi strike too”, a woman to my right answered. “Oh! When will it be fixed then?”, I said with worry. “Well. They didn't say anything about that but I don't think it will be quick”, she said with coolness which I found very appealing.

So there’s no way I can reach office? And with taxi strike, with all the rush, bus was out of question. I called up office and apprised them of the situation. Okay, they said. Rupa will take up my role for the day, they said simply. Okay? They said okay? I was bewildered. How I always thought that each one is irreplaceable and any absence would mean utter chaos and problems only. But that’s not true! They can do without me. I did not have to be there all the time. The fear in my mind was created by me. It was a futile fear.

So I need not worry, I was telling myself. All these days, I was working so much that it seemed so weird and alien to even think of a holiday. But this is it. I told myself. You are free today. Free! Free!

I don’t know how it happened but all the thoughts about work were simply dropped (it had never worked before even with effort). Somehow the fact that nothing could be done, this resignation, seeped through my mind. My mind became cleared of the clutter and I felt myself relaxing.

I could have returned home but instead, I sat back, looking at life I had never watched before even though I was a part of it, playing my role, only as an absent commuter. But today I was a bystander, one in full awareness, watching and feeling the colours, black, white, dull, vibrant. I could hear the sound that filled the surroundings, hushes, swearing, questions, answers. It was a mess but it was splendid! Situations! It brings so much out of people.

The worried woman to my left looked paranoid and I tried to talk but I guessed it was not about the train, I let her be. The woman to my right was watching closely, cool as a cucumber, the smarty. She had figured the ultimate answer before me. The woman with a kid who was stretching at the edge, was continuously looking in the direction of the rail tracks. The kid was smiling, he had already figured that today would be a holiday. Hurray! he must be thinking. it won’t be wrong to think that he already had the plan of how to spend the day.

I was feeling good. I had never been so close to life. My mind and heart was in full acceptance, fully aware. I watched the young couple who found some extra time for their extra talk. They looked oblivion to the disorder around. I watched the man selling bhel, his face happy with the extraordinary day when he could carry home the extra money. I watched people straining ears, head tilted, to hear every word that the speaker announced, in Marathi first, in Hindi next and then in English. It was fun when they looked at each other and shrugged when they did not understand a word of it.

What a life! Where was I all this time? I was the fool who was cribbing and carrying the burden from office to wherever I went. But now that I realised, I dropped all the extra baggage and accepted the new lesson learnt. The Lesson of life!

P.S : This is a fictional account :)

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. Introduced By: Megha Haware, Participation Count: 11